A Well Needed "Man Cave"

Yes.......most guys have thought about "The Switch". Jason Bateman...I feel you.

The top ten reasons that every man should have a “Man Cave”. However, I know most of these fit you mommies too. 

These are the fun things we parents get to deal with. Unfortunately, living in a small house, my opportunities for creating one of these “Man Caves” is limited. I have the “Cat room” (our extra half bath), the shed in the back yard (umm…..no), laundry room (are you kidding me, getting lost in all those clothes?), and the garage (if it were actually clean). Maybe this is why I take so long in the bathroom. Did you ever think of that my dear wife and children? ;)

The Top Ten Reasons That Every Man Should Have a “Man Cave”

1. There is no mute button for bickering children.

2. Somewhere along the line "Daddy!!" became the girls' favorite word. Yes....that means I'm needed right away.

3. Whining

4. The "Toy Tornado" that I always have to walk through and pick up.

5. I'm a sports freak......they are not. However, I've made some progress on that one.....they love the Timbers and Ducks, so I can usually get away with watching those games as the girls route them on.

6. Sometimes I actually get tired of playing "Jump" from the couch and having to lift my ladies into the air while dancing. I love these times, but I'm not getting any younger.

7. Sometimes the truth hurts. "No girls.......I don't need a bra."

8. "I see your penis!!! Hee hee". Yes, I've heard that a few times. There are too many vaginas in my house. I know it's a foreign object. Hopefully, an object you won't see on another man until you're out of the house.

9. How many times do I have to ask you to do something before it's done? Apparently not just one.

10. Sometimes we just need time to ourselves. Honey, just remember this list on the nights that I stay up late or stay in the bathroom for an extra long period of time.

With these being said, I love being a dad. With every top ten list like this there are three times as many rewarding things.

Oh wait.....seriously......I'm being beckoned and one of my girls is crying. Yee haw! ;)

Parents need a license

Seriously........parents need a "Parent License".

Yesterday we witnessed a mother pushing a stroller in the rain with the top down, smoking a cigarette while pregnant. It's tough to know that her children will be taking care of me in my old age. I want to say that they stand a chance, but statistics and experience say that hope is dim for those youngsters. Is it fair that she brings these children into the world? Their innocence being obliterated at an early age, being forced to "grow up" to help support their other struggling siblings and by witnessing all of the negative "grown up" things their parents do. Sad for sure.

I feel privileged to be able to help some of these families. Adults, no matter if you are in education or not, just being connected in some way to children through coaching, churches, friends, whatever.......have the power to make some kind of difference. Positivity is hard to come by in this day and age with our struggling economy, the business of everyday life, and the media whose attention is always focused on fake realities and news that is deeply depressing. Positivity......smiles, compliments, just instilling some kind of warmth within these youngsters when the world around them is coming crashing down. We can do something you know.

I wish there was a way to control the success of our youth through limiting the number of kids that do come into the world already having disadvantages. Remember, they don't get to choose where they go. The world is not fair. So with that being said, here is my fantasy proposal for future parents.....

Upon the potential of bringing a child into this world, in order to get that "Parent license", here are the things you have to do along with some ideas of how the community can help:

1.Enroll future parents in mandatory parenting classes that teach basic skills of how to parent along with providing resources that parents can access to help them become better parents.

2. Mandatory drug testing. If found positive, enter rehab. Parenting classes and classes that focus on the health of a fetus would be required.

3. Provide safe houses for parents looking for shelter. These would be loving families (usually couples) that take in either single mothers (or pregnant mothers) or small families and provide them with life skills to prepare them for parenting. When the new parents or single mothers find shelter, the "safe house" family serves as mentor family that checks in with them on a regular basis. I'm sure there are centers like this already.

4. Hire "Parent Police" that enter the community looking for parents that can be re-taught the proper way to parent their children. As a "ticket" the parents are required to go to parenting classes. To be careful about this, because as we all know we have had some incidents in public, the first couple of times are warnings. The third time would be a charm though. However, if there is a more major incident (like hitting in public), then that would be an obvious incident that would be brought to the higher powers. Do you know how many times I've wanted to be one of these "Parent Police"?

5. Set aside specific jobs for parents, education opportunities, and childcare. Yes....I know....a lot of money.

6. If parents can prove that they have taken classes throughout pregnancy, are clean and have shelter and food for their children, they can acquire their license.

7. Just like a drivers license or other licenses, they would have to be renewed. Every year you would be visited by a social worker and would also have to provide proof of being "clean".

These are just a few things y'all. Yes.....it's my dream world. Of course there would be some flaws with these ideas. I don't know about what consequences there would be if parents didn't meet these requirements. However, you get the idea. The point is, our future families and children need all of the help they can get. It's a never ending cycle...............growing up in a family of poverty, becoming a parent in poverty. Too bad those rich people in the world (or sport's athletes who get paid more in 7 minutes than I do in my year of work) aren't required to help in some way.

I don't know if I can handle seeing another parent talking disrespectfully in the supermarket to their children, grabbing them in a harsh way, seeing kids come to school hungry and sad with no self-esteem, babies with no proper clothing, etc.

However, with this being said, I do what I can to provide. I love my own kids, my school kids, the kids I've never met. In this society, the only thing we can do is love and teach our youth.

The kids are our future. My future depends on them.

Josiah

The Game of "Honesty"

The game of “Honesty”. Isn’t it fun to play?

Yes, in my opinion, this is one of those things you have to have in any relationship in order to keep it from crumbling along with a few other ingredients that I won’t yet mention in today’s blog. However, it does become a game. "Take a Chance" in some situations can lead you to a place you don't want to go. Most of the time there are no "Get Out of Jail Free" cards. 

We always preach to tell the truth. However, do we ever really stay true to who we are and what we think? I think the older we get, it isn’t so much of a game anymore, true honesty. The individuals who call it as it is. Call these people “Old Farts” or whatever. Problem is, people have a hard time hearing the truth. They know it already most of the time, but for some reason they have to have someone back up their own thinking. Personally, I would rather have someone be straight forward with me instead of mouthing off behind my back. How can I change and become better if someone doesn't tell me?

There are times that honesty can get you into trouble. Here are a few dreaded questions that husbands, parents, or teachers have heard:

As a husband…..(let me get this straight right now Keely…..the first question doesn’t apply to you)

“Honey, do I look fat in this dress?” 

“Did you hear what I said or asked you?” I can't say yes anymore to this one when I really haven't heard.

"Were you staring at her?"

Men......."No", "Yes", "No". Some females can handle the truth. They like straight out answers. However, it's still hard to be honest all of the time. There comes a point that the word "tact" comes more into play than honesty. And so the game keeps rolling, along with many more questions that we have to quickly think of a good answer to.

As a father...........

"Dad, is Santa/The Easter Bunny/the Tooth Fairy real?" Seriously though....they are, my daughters' hearts will not be broken by me. 

"Dad, don't you think this looks beautiful?" Yes.....the scribbles that you didn't take your time on look masterful. Of course, our answer will always be beautiful. Could you imagine the look on a kid's face if you said something negative?

"Dad, does this outfit look awesome?" Kids will be kids.....hey, if they want to where striped tights with a polk-a-dot shirt along with clashing colors out to the store, so be it. However, I think mom has a little more difficulty with this happening.

As a teacher..........

Many questions are the same as when your own kids ask you things. However, here are some things that happen behind the scenes. 

So kids......that "Stick of Doom" that I draw to have you answer a question doesn't always have your name on it. Sometimes we just have to be strategic. Isn't it amazing how your name gets drawn when you aren't paying attention?

I've never recycled a student paper in my teaching career (ok......this is a big lie.....see, I'm being honest)

We never talk about parents or kids behind their backs. Parents who aren't teachers and have kids in school, this happens....a lot. Please, don't become some of those freaky, needy, helicopter parents that all of us teachers dread.

------------

Honesty is important. However, tact when it comes to relationships and children is sometimes more so. Be true to yourself and keep your integrity without destroying the people around you. Like any game, you have to be strategic. :)

The Joys of Multitasking

Let's face it guys......most of the time we're not the best at multitasking. Yes....I know there are a few of you that will beg to differ. However, ladies would probably agree that for the most part I am correct on this assumption. I have improved over the years. Being a husband, father and teacher transforms you just a little bit.  Here are my top pieces of advice, observations, or experiences about multitasking. Yes guys....there are ladies out there who can join our "club" too and there are guys out there who somehow have super powers.


1. Men....when your wife or girlfriend is talking to you, look at them. If you're anything like me, those words that come out of her mouth will not connect with those areas of the brain that actually make meaning out of what she says.Those famous words....."Do you understand?". I have learned to say no, instead of nodding my head "uh huh". Why? Because wife is smart enough to actually make me repeat back what she says. Maybe it's the teacher in her. :) Having a wife talk to you while playing video games or doing something you enjoy doing transforms her into that teacher from Charlie Brown.

2. Get sleep. As we know, when we are exhausted, we are worthless. Also, if you are a new parent, try not to close out a bar at 2:30 in the morning and expect to have a good time feeding your newborn in the middle of the night. Feeding a baby a bottle on no sleep and a few drinks makes even simple multitasking (watching tv while feeding the baby) a difficult one.

3. Expect your wife to be mad at you when she gets on a cleaning kick. She will expect you to clean 50 things at once. THIS IS NORMAL. If you can pull off bouncing around doing 3 jobs at once and eventually get them done, that will score major points for you. If it doesn't score you points, then you might as well go back to doing one thing at a time.

4. When I eat at a restaurant I'm focused on my wonderful food and drink, and the people directly in front of me. Sorry if I don't hear something important happening 10 feet away. I do wish I had this skill. Wife has used this "Super Power" to get things free for us, discounted admission, and inside information to help us. I am impressed with myself though. A couple of weeks ago I had a fun time listening to the totally clean conversation of a drunk couple a couple booths away.

5. Ladies, do you think hinting at something for your significant other will do anything for you? Remember, we already have a hard time multitasking. If you want us to focus on your problem or request, tell or ask us. It's not that we are not listening to you. It's totally the lack of multitasking, right guys?

6. Multitasking doesn't always save time. Sometimes we just want to do a job very well, hence the reason why we do one thing at a time. Who wants to go back and do it again if it's not done right?

7. Experience does improve the skills. I think back to the first years of being a teacher. How did two of my students make one of those telephones that reached across the room (cups and string) without my knowledge? Now, 11 years later, I know when each student even blinks. Proximity, and as my football coach used to say..."head on a swivel, head on a swivel". Now I can actually teach and take care of behavior problems without even stopping instruction. However, it took me at least 5-8 years to master this. It still cracks me up looking back to when I was a rookie.

8. Organization can help multitasking. Imagine that! Lists, notes, and schedules are a little OCD and nerdy. However, they work. If I don't make a list before going to the store, I usually forget something. At least I have a 7-eleven a block away.

9. Students.......if you all try to talk to me at the same time, I won't hear any of you. Kids, wife and friends, the same goes for you. One at a time, please. If you want to be heard, be sure no one is interrupting you.

10. Just because you're good at multitasking in certain realms, doesn't mean you're good at multitasking in others. For example, I'm very good at multitasking when it comes to reading and playing music. However, you ask me to talk on the phone and cook at the same time and this leads to something that tastes like back side of something. Doing something I enjoy doing also transforms me into a multitasker. :)

Yes, you've all probably made the observation that my multitasking issues have a lot to do with social interaction. True. However, isn't this the case most of the time with most people?

I do want to say that it is important in this day and age to not forget about your family. I get caught up in Facebooking, and playing games on my phone or whatever.  I see too many parents not putting everything into the interaction with their children. Not only is this lack of emotional connection debilitating for future relationships that they may have, but it will catch up with you later when you say "Where has the time gone?". Family and work are separate, remember that. As you should already know, your family is your first priority. Until next time y'all!


Here are a couple of fun links to test your multitasking skills. Of course, these are just games. It's a little different with real world tasks. :)

http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2010/06/07/technology/20100607-task-switching-demo.html

http://kbhgames.com/Multitasking-Test-Game-1407/

Still "young"......I guess

Yes.....I know....some of you still see me as a baby. However, here are the top ten things that are making me realize that I'm not as "young" as I used to be.

10. I can now potentially see many of my first year 5th graders at the local bar. Yes......they turn 21 this year.

9.   College was over a decade ago for me.

8.  I'm over a 1/3 of the way done with my teaching career......(at this point in the year I wish I could add 1  
     or  2 to my numerator)

7. These damn aches and pains are ridiculous. Seriously? Physical therapy for an "injury" I don't even 
    remember getting?

6. Crankiness must come with age. Those voices that I used to save in my head are much more difficult to
    keep in. The funny thing is, I don't really care. I find it nice being able to tell it how it is (still trying to be
    tactful about it though.......however, I see that ending someday).

5. I've had to reprimand teenagers in public several times this past year. However, maybe that has nothing to 
   do with my age. People can't tell me that teenagers have always been like the ones we have today. (please
   Teenage God.....be kind to my daughters).

4. I've been blessed by the Grey Hair Gods, but not by the Nose Hair Gods. Seriously....WTF?

3. Is it just me, or have my eyes gotten better? Oh wait........those are just more wrinkles appearing that
    weren't there before. I loved it when wife got new contacts......."Wow....your face". Do you think she
    meant something nice?

2. I've seen many actresses that I was very fond of (won't go there) who are now playing grandmas in
    movies.

1.  See above picture. Great friends, freshman year of high school.....yes....high school. Wait a sec....did you 
     say almost 20 years ago? Yes......me in the white hat backwards. Sexy huh?

Old, young......whatever. Being a father and teacher has taught me that you are never to old even though you may feel it (like me). Act goofy, laugh loudly, and enjoy life!

For those of you who follow, maybe it won't take me over a month to write something next time. ;)

A Kid Losing a Tooth......Ugh

Teeth…..gotta have them, but at some point when you are a kid, you’ve gotta lose them too!

It seems like it was so easy when I was a kid. Of course I didn’t mind twisting them and bleeding a bit. If I think about that now it makes me cringe. Those damn kids in my classroom that come up to me bleeding or watching them not pay attention to me, all while they are being their own “dentist” in the back of the room……..a little distracting to me. Seriously……..can’t you wait kiddo? Do I have to watch you turn your gums into hamburger? Come on!

However, the anxiety that is running through the veins of my daughter right now makes me want to play “dentist” myself. If I try to come near her though, she runs away…..seriously. Her first tooth, hanging by a thread, mocks me. Damn you tooth! How many times are you going to be in the way of my daughters eating? You cause her to lose sleep, worrying about you hurting as you come out. The Tooth Fairy is coming my dear sir……….the Tooth Fairy is coming. If I can actually get my hands on you, you will be mine….ha ha ha ha!

I haven’t been the best father though. I admit, I have become frustrated enough to use some scare tactics. “Sadie….you could choke on your tooth in the middle of the night”. “You could swallow your tooth and not see it again”. “Your tooth will rot in your mouth”.  Hint to parents using scare tactics with a kiddo that has anxiety issues already…….you might not want to do that. It’s kind of like adding a lot of fuel to the fire. Oh…..educating myself and learning the hard way, the life of a parent. 

I’m hoping this whole thing ends well. Hopefully, she isn’t scarred for life and will actually not be worse for the next tooth. The deal between all of us? As long as she eats her food without complaining we won’t talk about pulling it out. We’ll see how long this lasts. Please tooth…..just be kind and surrender. Let me find you on her pillow as she wakes up in the morning. Please don’t make me come get you, or else our world will come crashing down for the most minute second it takes me to reach in and pull you.

Only one almost down…..how many to go? Ugh.

This Thing Called Sleep

For those of you couples without kids reading this may be a natural form of birth control, especially if you like your sleep.

Thinking back to having my first child, I didn't have a clue how much I took sleep for granted. Little did we know though that our first child (or both for that matter) wouldn't even sleep through the night until 9 months old. Those night coming home from the bar (thanks grandma!) and getting up to feed the child in the middle of the night was Hell on Earth. Oh the number of times I crashed on the recliner in the middle of the night (see above), many times a blur.

Then the baby was no longer a baby. We didn't have to feed them in the middle of the night. Sweet right?! Oh wait......then came potty training. "Daddy!........I have to go potty!". Nothing like a kid yelling and waking your lazy butt up in the middle of the night, sometimes almost literally scaring the shit out of me.

Seriously......would we ever get to sleep? Naps became a regular occurrence for us (this still holds true for wife....she loves her naps). Timing was everything. If you didn't time it right, no nap for you. Timing two kids' naps was a form of art. Parents with kids.....sound familiar?

The weird thing is after all of this.......even when I have a chance to sleep now, I decide to stay up instead. Maybe it's because us parents lose so much time for ourselves and we need that "me" time. I love sleep, don't get me wrong. However, I also love to have some sort of a life outside of kiddos too. Sometimes it helps me keep my sanity after listening to arguing and whining for the several hours previously.

The most frustrating thing is going on a vacation without children. When you try to sleep in, you end up waking up at the same freaking time when you do have kids. That damn natural clock just laughing at you. Seriously?!

Here we are, over 6 years later. Wife and I still make deals of who gets up on which weekend morning, or who will get up the morning after some shin-dig. At least our kids sleep a little longer now. The routine......getting up, making breakfast, putting on a movie and then trying to release a few more z's until they want something else, every weekend. We have to drag them out of bed on school days, but they wake our butts up on the weekend. We've even gone to the extent of lying a few times telling them it was going to be a school day so they would actually sleep in. Haven't done that? Liars!

Don't get me wrong married couples without kids........I wouldn't trade it for the world. My girls are everything.....more than sleep. However, this thing called sleep is very precious. Enjoy it when you get it!

To my sister and brother in law............you have a few more months of bliss, soak it up!